Ye Olde Professionals
by airbolt
Summary: Masters Bodie and Doyle are in the employ of Squire Cowley. They are engaged in the most parlous work involving trickery and treachery. Skilled with the Flintlock and all manner of fisticuffs, they have the fastest mounts in London. Verily " Cover Me!"
1. Chapter 1

"Hie thee hence, Master Bodie, hast thou partaken o'ermuch of the ambrosia" enquired Master Doyle, with a jocular manner

"A Pox on't!" replied Master Bodie, his visage truly a picture of spent debauchery

" Thou hast tarried with that Doxie, I'll warrant " Doyle offered " The very same one with the pleasing aspects and accomodating manner!"

" Had I the strength I would thrash you soundly, Sir! " an enfeebled Bodie replied " Though You are most perceptive indeed. I'll atest to her finer qualities including…"

" Gentlemen! I'll trust that you are indeed fully Compos Mentis, though my eyes do reveal that Master Bodie is in some disrepair." Squire Cowley interrupted, with his firm Caledonian tongue." The Magistrates of this fair Town have presented me with a matter of great import"

" You mean that it concerns goods and vittels brought in from foreign parts?" enquired Bodie

"Poltroon!" said Doyle

" Well met, Master Doyle" said Cowley " You wll need all of your wits, Heaven forfend, and the physical qualities which, to be truthful are your most proficent qualities "

" I'm not sure but I think that Squire Cowley hast cast aspersions regarding our natures" moaned Bodie, prior to his somewhat propitious exit.

" He has a weak constitution " said Doyle , with no great conviction.

"I'm more than aware of Master Bodie's weaknesses!" said Cowley


	2. Chapter 2

" I have made a most propitious discovery!" acclaimed Master Bodie, his visage a vision of triumph.

" Forsooth. Impart this fount with great despatch!" replied Master Doyle.

" The very fellowes that we seek are ensconsed at the Constitution Inn at Lower Market" said Bodie.

" Ah, a warren of knavish fellowes, wretches, cutpurses and Bottom knockers. We must prepare accordingly " said Doyle.

" I have a very large Arquebus!" said Bodie, flourishing it.

" No doubt from your time under arms?" enquired Doyle.

" Verily. In many lands I have served under Kings and Princes" said Bodie

" Perhaps under Princesses too, I'll warrant" smirked Doyle.

" You may make light of it. Truly a gentleman keeps his affairs close to his bosom" Bodie replied.

" Aye, that is what I have heard. On the matter concurrent I have my trusty flintlock and in my britches I have concealed a Knobkerrie!" said Doyle, adjusting selfsame.

" Most wise. I fear the discussion to follow may not be philosophical nature" said Bodie.

With that, they ventured into the foul smelling escutcheons on their trusty mounts Escort and Capri.


	3. Chapter 3

"

" .with that, he turns to the Magistrate and says" I think you will find that this is a sack of turnips and THAT is the Bishop of Gloucester!"

" Ha! A most lively jest , Master Bodie" said Master Doyle, his countenance one of amusement.

" I am in the most envigorated of moods, Master Doyle . In truth, our escapade at the Constitution Inn went fair well." said Master Doyle., his hand firmly on his Tankard.

" Aye, tis true. T'was verily a wretched gathering of knaves and hooligans. It was most propitious that we carried the instruments with which to teach them manners!" laughed Master Doyle, also partaking of the Ale.

" Verily!" said Master Bodie " Mayhap that will be a lesson that they will attend to most judiciously and at their leisure!"

Master Doyle surveyed the Inn. The serving wench gave them a most injudicious look. The magistrates men had cleared the Inn and appeared to have no propensity to retire. The larger of the two had laid his Arquebus on the table.

" A most persuasive advocate" said Master Doyle

" I'll warrant that you are correct" agreed Master Bodie " a position that would be echoed throughout many lands"

" Hmm, mayhap I will be called to venture abroad at some occasion vouchsafed by Squire Cowley. " said Master Doyle, his mind full of visions of exotic lands.

" Aye, I have travelled to lands where the customs are most quaint and the food mostly unutterably vile. Yet I returned to fair Albion where our manners are civilised, our food a feast for kings and…"

He paused for more ale.

" …the women fall at the feet of the conquering hero!" laughed Master Doyle.

" In truth, it is most wearisome , yet I make light of it!" remarked Master Bodie as he wiped the foam from his mouth.

" Your nobility is a shining example to all " said Doyle, his manner most jaunty.

" More Ale" shouted Master Bodie prior to a most spectacular conjunction with the floor. As a consequence his visage appeared somewhat disfigured on the morrow.

" A wise man would surmise that your injuries were sustained while apprehending the Blaggards, Master Bodie. Said wise man would enquire no further" said Cowley.

"In truth, Sir, that would be the wisest thing" said Master Doyle.


	4. Chapter 4

"My guts are in a parlous state!" volunteered Bodie.

"Such a conclusion may readily be surmised by the noxious airs that surround us" replied Doyle with his kerchief firmly placed upon his nostrils "Would we not entrusted to observe said vagabonds within the tavern I would most propitiously remove myself from the environs!"

"Forsooth" explained Bodie " I would venture forthwith except for the most earnest strictures of Squire Cowley. I am myself a victim of the sustenance provided to me last evening!"

"Of what nature would said victuals be, such that they produce such bilious vapours?" gasped Doyle.

"The purveyor of the most highly spiced repast was of an oriental persuasion. He was , in truth, somewhat opaque regarding the ingredients of the banquet" said Bodie.

"Woulds't thou have been o'ertaken by the imbibement of o'ermuch ambrosia? " asked Doyle in a querulous manner.

"Thou art most perceptive " replied Bodie.

"Would you venture that the Scirocco from the Orient has blown its last?" grimaced Doyle " for has it not, I may be taken unto the arms of Lethe!"

"I would take my leave at the earliest opportunity!" said Bodie urgently, his face contorted " lest you be hoist by my Petard!"

As the fates ordained it was a most serendipitous turn of events. The very next morrow the two pillars of justice were greeted by Squire Cowley, his manner most benificent. The very ragamuffins and cutpurses in the tavern had been rendered inert by the efforts of Master Bodie.

" As with all things " cautioned Squire Cowley " Do not allow this juncture to go to your head! "

" I'll warrant that thieves and hooligans need not fear Master Bodie's noggin when he has fare more potent weapons at his disposal!" opined Doyle.

There was a hearty ejaculation of merriment at this revelry!


End file.
